6:02 -- Hey, look at this! All five supporting actress nominees all just randomly assembled! Let's go talk to them! This wasn't staged at all!
6:04 -- Kind of a tactless, awkward interview with George Clooney and his wife(?) standing there.
6:06 -- Ughhhh Zac Efron.
6:09 -- Matt Damon is a real class act. Perhaps even classier than Clooney. Kind of impressed by that.
6:10 -- Speaking of class... Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer. Pure awesome. The phrase, "Who are you wearing?" is so ridiculous, though.
6:12 -- Hooray for the Best Picture Nominees from 1943...? The more you know, I guess. Casablanca will always be possibly the best Best Picture winner ever, though. This ten best picture nominees thing is kind of a pointless stunt, though. Happy as I am that it permitted District 9 and Up to be nominated.
6:14 -- Oh yeah, I forgot Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were together.
6:15 -- This interviewer is awful. "Hey girl!"? Really?
6:20 ish -- Steve Carell and Tina Fey are cool and hilarious. They seem soooo excited for their upcoming movie. Don't seem to be feigning enthusiasm at all.
6:22 -- Jeff Bridges is awesome. I regret not having seen Crazy Heart yet.
6:25 -- Goddammit Taylor Lautner! Get off the carpet!
Well, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin seem like tailor-made hosts of spectacular humour and stylishness. Bring on the actual show!...
6:31 -- Random pan to Robin Williams looking bemused.
-- Neil. Patrick. Harris. OMG. And he's sparkly. But what does this song have to do with anything?... OK never mind, it kind of works. Hehe, "two hosts to split the fee." Am I the only one thinking NPH would be a fantastic host?
6:34 -- Ah, the actual hosts! Coolness.
6:36-6:37 -- Random shout-outs to random nominees. This is already hilarious... OK, we already talked about Meryl Streep. But at least we get a threesome joke out of it.
6:40 -- Ha! Beautiful gift basket with a timer! Toyota! Yes! Tension between Cameron and Bigelow ftw!
6:41 -- Requisite Jew joke with Inglourious Basterds spin.
6:43 -- Jeff Bridges has a kickin' rad beard.
6:45 -- I kind of need to see Invictus and The Messenger.
6:46 -- Speaking of kickin' rad beards... Christopher Plummer in The Last Station.
6:48 -- Uber-bingo! Nice movie-making-as-expedition metaphor, as well. Go Christoph Waltz, winner of Best Supporting Actor for Inglourious Basterds. Nice overall speech.
6:50 -- The Blind Side still looks terrible. I don't know, convince me otherwise.
6:57 -- Weird animated character from the nominated movies interview thing. What is the point of this? Cute, though.
6:59 -- Well, that was kind of what I thought. Would have liked Fantastic Mr. Fox to win it a bit more, but I'm quibbling. Up is terrific.
7:01 -- I should not find Miley Cyrus as hot as I do. I'm sorry to everyone who has read this. Grade-A jailbait, that.
7:02 -- Ladies from Nine are so sexy too. Still not in a big hurry to see the movie, though.
7:04 -- Damn, guess I need to see Crazy Heart. T-Bone Burnett is spectacular, but I thought for sure one of the Princess and the Frog songs would take it. Oh well, I'm still 2 for 3 in my predictions.
7:05 -- District 9 still impressed the hell out of me. Seen it three times now. Damn pleased it was nominated. Also, it's for sure better than Avatar. Yeah, I said it. Wanna fight about it?
--stepped out to get chips, dip and pop... I know, I suck--
Apparently I missed Hurt Locker winning Original Screenplay. Damn, 2 for 4 in my predictions. I really wanted either Basterds or A Serious Man to take that one. Like, really. Mucho disappointment.
7:20ish -- Nice ode to child stars and the '80s. Breakfast Club owns all. Random nostalgia-fest! Oh not so random... John Hughes died. Right... Sad times. What a legend.
7:25 -- OMG I wonder what will win Best Visual Effects... Hmm... Durrr.... Uhhhh...
7:28 -- What happened to Carey Mulligan's hair? Meh, whatever works. She needs to win. She won't but she needs to.
7:32 -- Holy crap, I guessed right on Best Animated Short?! That was a complete random guess! I hadn't seen any of them or heard anything about any of them. Wow, I win. You all owe me a Coke. 3 for 5.
7:34 -- Damn, I missed Best Documentary Short. Oh well. Can't randomly guess right every time. Go Music by Prudence! She gestures a lot with her hands and speaks... very... deliberately. Who is Prudence?
7:36 -- Also missed Live Action Short. I thought the Abracadabra thing would take it. Oh well, these guys look entertaining.
7:37 -- Oh for fuck's sake, Stiller! Guy is freaking me right out. Oh, makeup award... Makes sense. Still stupid as hell, though.... Jesus, get on with it.
7:41 -- Woot. Star Trek took Makeup, as expected. 4 for 8.
7:47 -- Mmm... Rachel McAdams... Now see, that's how you introduce a category. Just cut to the chase. Learn from them, Stiller.
7:50 -- Whaaaaaaaaaattttttt??? Fletcher!!!! 4 for 9. Totally thought either An Education or Up in the Air would take Adapted Screenplay. Goddamn. Also, I missed what District 9 was adapted from and really wanted to know. IMDb, I guess. But seriously..... whaaattt??
7:54 -- Lauren Bacall is spectacular. That is all.
7:59 -- Well duh. Mo'Nique won. 5 for 10. Unbelievably ecstatic at this unbelievably well-deserved win. What's this about politics, though? Shout-outs to Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry? Weird speech but clearly heartfelt.
8:09 -- Bright Star had freakin' astonishing costumes and should win this. That is all.... And... it didn't. Although oddly enough during the makeup category, I remarked that Young Victoria looked like it had better costumes than make-up. So... cool. And way to shout-out to the underdog. Good stuff, Young Victoria costume lady!
8:12 -- Precious is becoming ridiculously underrated and lumped in by everyone as some Crash wannabe. This is unbelievably unfair and I don't buy it at all. Have you people that are doing this even seen the movie? (Of course, I'm a Crash defender as well, but the movies are not particularly similar so don't label them as such kthxbye.)
8:17 ish -- Wicked awesome hilarious Paranormal Activity spoof sequence.
8:18 -- OK why are Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart presenting the horror films tribute? How on earth is Twilight horror-related at all? If anything, it craps all over legitimate horror (specifically vampire and werewolf) mythology. So yeah, terrible choice for presenters.
8:20 -- I never was that big on The Shining, but Rosemary's Baby has got to be one of the best horrors ever. Yes! Young Frankenstein! Psycho!
8:22 -- Of course Tarantino would be all over that horror tribute clapping like a buffoon!
8:23 -- Morgan Freeman. Narrating. The intro to the sound categories. In a wonderfully self-aware fashion. And sneaking in a tribute to The Dark Knight. (Why didn't the Academy actually nominate this film for Best Picture last year again?) This is brilliance.
8:25 -- Hurt Locker rightfully wins Sound Editing... and Sound Mixing. Guy who won the first one leaves, then promptly comes back to accept the second award, and reiterates original speech. Hilarious moment.
8:29 -- Really need to see Inglourious Basterds again.
8:34 -- Sandra Bullock looks glamourous... lipstick is a bit much. But very class-tacular and such.
8:38 -- James Taylor doing the In Memoriam tribute? Kinda sweet... Hot damn, that was a sad song. Still can't believe Brittany Murphy died? So random and out of nowhere.
8:46 -- Uh, Legion of Extraordinary Dancers? What the crap? Yeah, they need to not do this next time.
8:50 -- Ugh... and it's still going.
8:53 -- Good old inspirational speech from Michael Giacchino. Rightful winner and one I thought would win as well.
8:55 -- Avatar wins Best Visual Effects. Absolutely no one is surprised. 10 for 17.
9:05 -- No, I will not "Please welcome Tyler Perry." You are not good at all. Except for apparently helping promote Precious. But that does not make up for the travesties that are your movies and TV shows. -- OK, Snuggie joke was awesome though. Maybe you're alright, Perry.
9:08 -- Starting to think the Hurt Locker score is pretty depressing.
9:14 -- Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino! Cool pairing! Tarantino always seems like such a hilarious tool.
9:17 -- Holy crap random winners for Foreign Language Film and Documentary Feature this year. Wow, did not see those coming.
9:22 -- Starting right in to second (large-ish) size glass of wine. Party is officially started.
9:28 -- Nice anecdotes about Best Actor nominees from people that worked with them, coupled with reaction shots from the nominees. Wonderful, self-aggrandizing stuff. I ate it up with a spoon, of course. Tim Robbins was especially hilarious, talking about Morgan Freeman.
9:34 -- Goddamn you are awesome, Jeff Bridges. He just seems so happy to have found himself in this crazy situation and honours his parents and is such a good, heartfelt guy. Married 33 years in Hollywood, wow. Good work.
9:40 -- Forest Whitaker directed Hope Floats? Helen Mirren has a spider web tattoo? Dang, the more you know.
9:45 -- Carey Mulligan and Gabourey Sidibe are astonshingly awesome. I wish they could both win it. But Sandra Bullock will. Maybe she was good too.
9:47 -- What are you talking about, Sean Penn?
9:50 -- Dang. Guess I need to see The Blind Side then. Can't imagine Bullock is better than Mulligan or Sidibe, though. Great speech... classy lady... heartfelt, personal speech... but still disappointing. Yeah, I'm mean.
9:53 -- Is it going to be the first woman to win Best Director? Or the first African American? Or some other boring white guy? Stay tuned!... And it's the woman and not some boring white guy. Was rooting for Tarantino, but this is fantastic. Go Hurt Locker!
9:58 -- Wow, they're rushing right the fuck through this. Didn't even read the nominees. Mo-fuggin' Hurt Locker! Woot!
Jaw = on the floor right now. Way to go, Academy! Wasn't quite what I wanted to win, but what a bold, fine, daring choice. And what a good quip about length of the show from the hosts. I... I take back everything bad I said about the Oscars. They can still surprise. Massive kudos!